Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Beauty Queen of Wassila

I certainly hope some of you watched the speech last night, and got good and scared—because she was good. She had um all whooped up there at Excel Center in St. Paul, where the Minnesota Wild plays hockey, and the base has found its savior. 

 She ain't no cream puff, this one. With her background in beauty pageants and television, she seemed quite at home on the big stage. In fact, you got the sense, there at the end, that the base would have liked to switch out their candidates—run her instead of that treacherous old tired looking bastard McCain. Sarah wouldn't fuck um, not like that shit McCain has time and again. She'd get rid of that Liberal Washington Establishment. Just like she got rid of that luxury jet up there in Juneau. Just like she might even, given the chance, put Air Force One on EBay, get rid of those cooks that put together the cottage cheese and ketchup for Nixon, and the goddamn limousines and motorcades, and the Service Service—no, it wouldn't hurt those Washington types one bit to order out like all the rest of us, fly commercial with all the rest of us assholes, and buy just the one SUV, with a V-8, preferably, since we have oil to burn on that North Slope, and plenty of room, and get a goddamn dog and a shotgun if they felt they needed protection.

All the money the government pisses away, it's sickening ...

If we could only have Sarah. What a good wholesome kick she'd be, that one. And she likes hockey. You have to love that.

But, you know, the funny thing about these regular good-looking wholesome folks who hate government that I've just never been able to understand is: Why are they so eager to become government officials?

With all the other good jobs they could get with their good looks and cleverness.

I mean really ...

Would you go to a surgeon who does nothing but complain about how stupid doctors are, and how you ought to have your head examined if you ever even considered getting put out and having some palsied half-wit disinterested prick like him (or her) doing an operation on you?

Look, I know all about the special kind of love that a child, children, with special needs brings out in us; and I also know that it is quite a lot easier to keep the flame of that special love constant if you are fortunate enough to get a break from it now and then. If you're able to pass off the moment to moment reality of that beautiful special need to someone else for a good portion of the day, thereby allowing someone else the blessed opportunity to find their own kind of special love with that precious individual that might otherwise, truth be told, be a little bit much to contend with 24/7. 

You could argue that to do this—to spread that love around—is only Christian.

But for such a traditional mother like her, with all those kids, and grandkids coming (I, for one, was happy to see young Bristol was marrying someone her own age, that they might, the two of them, have at least another prom ahead of them, if they can find a sitter), to give all that special love and fulfillment up to go out and get a job in government—why, it would have to be hard, yes?

Now, I know, I'm being sexist, right? No one would be asking what a guy with five kids would be doing with his children while he was off being a big shot government official. And I'm not wondering, in fact, what Ms. Palin does with her five kids while she's out mucking it up in the corners of her government job. She does just what any man does: she farms it out to someone else.

Which some may find a little odd, coming from such a traditional Christian woman, but I say, If she can afford it, if she can get folks to help her, if she can get a break, and wants to go run with the infidels in Washington and, most importantly, Change That Goddamn Place—then more power to her.

And if, to boot, she can draw up in some small way that Lovin Feeling from back in her youth, that little tickle of nostalgia for her pageant days, when she was in front of the camera, on television. All that fun that Bristol might have had, well I don't begrudge her that either.

But I have to tell you—I worry it isn't going to work out so well. Sure, she's riding high now, but she's getting in with a bad sort. Not the most Christian folk there where she's heading. And you don't know what they'll find out. The kind of cruel ironies that might come out about Sarah Palin, as she nears that evil place that is the center of our government.

I'm not saying we're going to find out that in addition to enjoying a good ride on a snowmobile, that she likes being spanked. Not necessarily.

But something. 

You watch. It won't always be so funny.

It could get very scary still.

Very scary.

I'm still taking bets.

  

 

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Craig,

Is it not strange that the would-be V P is against sex education in school at the same time she is against abortion? I mean, the purpose of "sex education" is not to teach how to have sex; it's about the sometimes mysterious human body, and how NOT to get pregnant when you're in your teens and your hormones are buzzing in spite of yourself.

And how about this for strange, for a person that would be V P and swear to uphold the Constitution? She is for teaching creationism a/k/a intelligent design in public schools when the Constitution strictly forbids "establishment of religion" and Federal District courts and the U S Supreme Court say, (my paraphrase): you can believe whatever you want, that's a matter of your religious faith, but it's a no-no to teach your religion in the public schools of this blessed Republic. Religion, not science, okay. In short, "creationism", under its attempted new label "intelligent design," is not science, because it depends on supernatural intervention (God created the world in seven days and so forth). That dogma, that biblical center post, cannot be explained by natural causes or be proven through emperical investigation, and is, therefore, neither testable nor falsifiable. It's religion, not science. You can't teach religion in public schools. Creationism would teach that the Book of Genesis teaches, among other things, that that's the way the universe and the world and all its rivers and mountains and bugs and mammals came about. There's no proving or disproving that. It's a matter of faith, for some devout and well-meaning religious people. But what some religions preach, and others in good faith do not believe and accept, may not, must not be foisted onto students, who'd better learn and pass the tests the teachers and faculty prescribe. I mean, take a look at Kitzmiller vs Dover, the 2005 Federal decision out of the Middle District of Pennsylvania.

And for good measure, crank up the ACTUAL DECISION of Roe vs Wade. It's a short scholarly (well researched) decision. How many people have actually READ that decision. Those that have not, the millions and millions that have not, should. They'd be surprised what that decision actually says.

Hoyt
Nevada