What's Up, Doc?

Forgive my truancy, but I had to recover from my post-convention bounce. My oh my, how surprising this can all be! Donald Trump for the Republicans, Hillary Clinton for the Democrats, Hillary approaching a 10-point lead in most polls ...

It's poor form to say I told you so, so I won't. I just wish I was getting paid whatever Nate Silver is getting paid to tell you what should have been obvious to anyone not confused by the noise and wishful thinking for months now.

The presidential election, despite all the fretting by Hillary supporters, Democrats (whom I strongly encourage to keep fretting!!!  Wring those hands!! Worry!! Get out and vote to Shatter That Glass Ceiling!!!), is going to be a rout. Hillary isn't going to win so much as Donald Trump is going to get destroyed, hung out to dry, left to self-destruct, call it what you want—this assuming he doesn't lose interest beforehand and drop out. Which would be interesting. The dynamic Mike Pence left to finish out a disastrous season.

Look for Trump to appear on talk shows not long after the election (in less than a hundred days; it'll be over before we know it!), saying that he really never wanted or expected to win. That he's just that fucking amazing that he wins without even trying! Look for angry, harebrained conspiracy types to further the discussion that he was actually a plant for the Clinton campaign, that they hatched all this down at the wedding in Palm Beach ...

"Listen, you two, What can I do to help? Wait! You know what? I've got a great idea. What if I ran for president?"

"Well, you know, sure, Donald, go right ahead. I think ... we think you should! You'd be a lot more fun to watch than Jeb Bush."

"Or Lying Ted. Or Lightweight Marco."

"HA!"

"Not so loud. I love you, Hillary, but you're awfully loud."

"What if he called you Crooked Hillary, Hill?"

"Well, you know, Bill, I've been called worse—"

"You really think I should run? Because ... I think it would be great, actually. Very good for the Brand."

"A whole new platform for you, Donald. Call up ... oh, what's his name? The guy who wrote your book—"

"Tony? I made Tony rich you know. You watch, I get out campaigning and Tony will get out there and give interviews, say what a bastard I was, and Tony will get even richer, write another book! Money, money, money, and who you gonna give a big kiss afterwards? Who's it gonna be, Hillary?"

"Think of all the people coming down here to play that course of yours. By the way, is that a detention center I saw beside one of the fairways? Someone stuck his ass out the window at me while I was lining up my second shot this morning. Ended up in the sand. You should consider donating something ... some flat-screens to the place. Get those people away from the windows—"

"You didn't end up with this girl because you're a dummy, did you. Ha ha. Nudge nudge. What do you think they'd pay for the TVs?"

"Actually, I think you donate them. If they had that kind of money they'd buy the TVs themselves."

"What? But who's going to donate them to me?"

"No no, you buy, and then you give. Write a big figure on the slip. Give it to your tax person at the end of the year. Get them a cable package, too. Netflix is good. If you're going to be a politician you need to learn how. Get the inmates away from the windows so they don't scare the golfers. No one wants to see someone's ass in the window while he's lining up a shot."

"You really think I should run for president?"

"You know, Donald, the more I think of it—Yes."

Laugh. But you watch ...

Trump has at last finished out the arc that Ronald Reagan started: the era of conservative sunshine. Republicans, the happy party! Democrats, the downer party. America, the Shining City on the Hill!  America, Bummersville ...

From Smiling Ronnie to Barking Donald.

I'm not looking forward to the Democrats being the new Party of Jingo, but they're well on their way.

A-and I know a lot of people have spent eight years hating that skinny black Muslim from Kenya, but I'm going to miss him. It isn't often you get a cool smart dude as a president in this country—far too many things a cool smart dude has to do that don't sit well with a cool smart dude. All the killing, for instance. All the families of the killed that need comforting, even as the majority of the population the cool smart dude has to govern is telling him that he isn't killing nearly enough.

Obama purportedly told Charlie Rose, "You don't think of just how much killing is involved in being President of the United States."

Anyway, I'll miss him. The Bugs Bunny of American Presidents.

I was wrong about Tim Kaine, incidentally. He's going to be perfect for the new, sunny look. Next to Joe Biden, it's hard to imagine a more perfect vice-president. Unless, like some of my friends, you're more of an Old Man Potter fan. I can imagine there are more than a few Republicans this year wistful for the days of Dick Cheney. Back when the Republicans were contenders! When the Democrats expected to lose. When it was Democrats getting traded by the losers to the playoff hopefuls, not Republicans ...

Don't count on the rout extending down the ballot. American voters tend to like their politicians kept in check, their growing frustration with nothing getting done in Washington notwithstanding. Many, for instance, will vote for Hillary Clinton, and balance it with a vote against, say, Michael Bennett in the Senate. More than a few Republicans will do that this year. Vote against Trump, then be sure to vote for all the rest of their peeps.

Expect that to be the interesting thing that either happens or doesn't in November.

After which, either way, there will still be a lot of angry people out there.