Pissed Off Nation

I got a note from an old friend this morning wondering how I could resist opining on this year's General Election. Especially, he said, after all the smart and funny and highly entertaining stuff I wrote back in 2012. And 2008, for that matter.

It's a mystery. But, here are a couple of possibilities:

1) No one is paying me. Of course, no one was paying me back then, either. Perhaps the idea of not getting paid just irritates me more now that I'm older and haven't made as much money in the stock market as I'd hoped back when I sold my shares of Cisco for $77 back in early 2000. Also, I still haven't found anyone to buy my first novel, which is to say I haven't gotten paid to write that either, or the one I'm writing now, and by now you're probably thinking, well, he's probably just bitter and angry and depressed about all that, like a lot of us are bitter and angry and depressed about our own shit, and that could be.

2) I already know who is going to win. Hillary is going to win. I know, I know, at this point you're either saying A) thank you! Of course she is! or B) Fuck you! Fuck YOU!!! If she ends up being the next president I'm fucking moving ... I have friends in both categories. In fact, on a visceral level, I pretty much feel the same way about Donald Trump and (especially) Ted Cruz. But they aren't going to win. Hillary is going to win. And here is more or less how that is going to play out: She is going to win New York on the 19th, as she sure as fuck should, given that she was a senator for the state, during which time she cast a Yes vote, along with John Kerry and that weasel no one hears about anymore, John Edwards, along with virtually every Republican you can think of who was in office back then, to go to war in Iraq back in 2003—arguably the biggest foreign policy disaster in the history of our nation—but, you know, the people who don't flat out hate her for that and other reasons, many (though not all) irrational, would argue that she did her penance for that rather egregious sin back in 2008, which is why Barack Obama is president and she's still waiting. Anyway, Bernie Sanders, as James Carville, then the mastermind of Bill Clinton's campaign, said of the late Paul Tsongas back in 1992, after his victory in New Hampshire, [he] isn't going to win shit. That said, he's put the screws to Hillary in a way no one thought anyone would during this our extraordinarily long economic stimulus package we call our primary season. In effect, he's been a first-rate sparing partner for her—and she needed one, since she might be smart and more qualified on a positions held basis than anyone who's ever run for the office, but unfortunately she's not a very good politician. It doesn't come naturally to her like it does, say, her husband, or Barack Obama, or, if you prefer, Ronald Reagan. Fortunately for her, however, she is going to be running against one of the following: Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, or Paul Ryan. This after the Republicans proceed deeper into their already relentlessly dissected (if poorly medicated) nervous breakdown, after their quite possibly "contested" convention in July (no party in modern times has ever emerged well, or won a General Election, after going through a sideshow-style convention, not in 1976, not in 1968, not in 1924), out of which nothing good, only further clarified disaster in November, is going to come. This despite their running against a Democratic candidate with "high negatives," who (finally) could barely get past a Democratic Socialist Independent Senator from Vermont, who, by the way, would also win against any of the three possible Republican candidates, Trump still being the most likely, though he isn't a Republican anymore than Sanders is a Democrat, which would make for an interesting set-up going into the fall, but, regardless, not going to happen, and Hillary is going to win. And to my mind, when something is so obviously a foregone conclusion, it's hardly worth writing about for free. So there's that.

Still, assuming I haven't alienated you completely already, I'm a writer with an out-sized ego or why the hell would I persist in something so obviously quixotic and (economically, at least) disastrous? And to have one of my oldest friends, a very smart friend, petition me to write my thoughts out here on my blog, well, it's hard for someone who craves approval as much as I do to say no ...

However, the glow of seeming approval was dimished when I went back to look at some of my admittedly smart and funny posts from back then (you should check them out, too, cuz I mean, Wow), I saw on many of them ZERO comments. Which isn't to say that nobody read them, or nobody found them interesting, only that it seemed to me that nobody was either reading them or found them as interesting as, say, "The Walking Dead" that night. And you might say, well, I was reading them, I just didn't want my name associated with your foul language and outlandish sentiments, or, if I did, I didn't want anyone to know I agreed with you, or I was too squeamish to tell you to go fuck yourself, or, frankly, I don't want my name out there for Google and Facebook and the Chinese to exploit, better that you do that on your own, Craig, Mr. Rattle & Hum Guy, on your own, and for free, you fucking dumb ass.

It's a lot to sort out, as you can imagine.

Anyway, given the season (and to see that you all read this far), I'm going to conduct a little poll and then take it under advisement, as the lawyers say ...

To the question, Should Rattle & Hum and its author consider a return to form, if no more than once a week, now that the General Election may as well be upon us, even though the author already knows who is going to win?

Please select one of the following:

I. Sure. What the fuck else is he going to do? Write another novel? Give me a fucking break!

II. Fuck that, and fuck him! If he thinks Hillary is going to be the next POTUS he must be insane, and belongs getting a job like a normal person, and then maybe he wouldn't have such fucked up ideas.

III. It doesn't matter, I'm supporting Bernie Sanders.

Post answers either as a comment here, or on FB, or on Twitter,  as a secret handshake, telling nod, when you see me, I really don't care where or how so long as you all tell me what you think I should do.

And don't worry, I promise not to share your address with anyone trying to get at your money.

Don't wait, do it now ...

Best—R&H